Canterbury

by Nan Cobbey
Lambeth Conference Communications

With smiles, song and a soft stamping of bare feet, a dozen bishops' wives escorted one of "their own"-a bishop's husband-from the stage in the spouses' tent yesterday.

At the conclusion of his part in the Bishops' Spouses Programme presentation on the role of the bishop's spouse, Dr. Ian Jameison, husband of Bishop Penelope Jameison of Dunedin in New Zealand, called the other New Zealand spouses forward.

"To make me not feel totally alone, the bishops' spouses of the Anglican Church of Aotearoa, New Zealand and Polynesia have decided to support me in a way which is very customary in our society and in our church particularly when our indigenous people are involved," said the Anglican Communion's "the first husband of a bishop." In all, five husbands of bishops are attending the programme.

Immediately the women, most of them barefoot, stepped onto the stage from their places in the front. Arranging themselves in rows behind Dr. Jameison, they began to sing a Maori song, accompanied with expressive movement and gestures telling of their support and care.

Hardship and satisfaction mark spouses' lives

The six spouses in the presentation told poignant stories of "better" and of "worse" in their lives, acknowledging challenges of racism, poverty, gossip, and loneliness. They also shared moments of "privilege" encountered as part of their partners' ministries. Though most had their own professions-nurse, academic, occupational therapist-they all described commitments to personal ministries. And finally, several offered advice: find a "soul friend," involve yourselves "outside the church," rely on God.

The spouses on the panel were joined by Dr. Elaine Storkey of the Institute for Contemporary Christianity in London's West End, a speaker well-known throughout Britain. She started her theological discussion with the Genesis accounts of Adam and Eve, but it was when she got to the topic of marriage that she especially set heads nodding.

"Marriage is extraordinary: two people come together and make reckless pledges to each other," she said. "We image God as we love . . . sometimes we love against the odds, sometimes we love when we are not loved back, sometimes we love sacrificially."

Elizabeth Appleby, wife of Bishop Richard Appleby of the Northern Territory in the Anglican Church of Australia, described many "for betters" - including "caring for clergy spouses and their families, opportunities for leadership in your own right, and sharing with Aboriginal Christians in remote communities."

Reflecting on the debit side of the equation, she said she was reminded of a clergy friend's words: "Remember the mitre is also a crown of thorns." She also placed among the "for worses" the "loneliness at the top, gossip and speculation, expectations and stereotypes," as well as knowing the full story behind the bishop's decision or action, but not being able to say anything to protect him or her.

Mrs. Appleby also said she had discovered some useful strategies for coping with the pressures: allowing herself not to cope sometimes, involving herself in something outside the Church, and admitting her fears and difficulties to a soul friend.

Struggling with apartheid's aftermath

Maggie Nkwe, nurse, midwife, founder of diocesan centers for families in crisis, victims of apartheid and farm workers, described how she and her husband, Bishop David Nkwe of Klerksdorp in the Church of the Province of Southern Africa, faced the challenges of life in South Africa.

"Apartheid is said to be dead but some of us have not yet attended its funeral," she said.

Mrs. Nkwe told her audience that when her husband was appointed to his episcopal post he worried how she would feel.

"It was not an easy choice," she said. "We moved from Soweto to Klerksdorp in two cars, into a house we struggled to get, because the so-called white church people in Klerksdorp had concluded we would stay in the township and not in the so-called white suburb."

She turned her talents to aiding her husband's ministry and promoting justice. In 1991 the new bishop's wife organised the first march by women in Klerksdorp against female abuse "to encourage women to participate in gender issues."

The couple "moved into the Klerksdorp diocese as if we were moving into the desert," she said. "There was no office, no personnel and no infrastructure."

Apparently undaunted, Mrs. Nkwe used her talents to set up a Woman's Desk to launch educational projects such as pre-school groups and literacy projects.

Evangelising in Tanzania

Miriam Ntiruka, whose husband, Bishop Francis Ntiruka, was founding bishop of the Diocese of Tabora in the Church of the Province of Tanzania, told similar stories of hardship in their joint ministry.

The new diocese was formed in a place where there were not many Anglicans in order to evangelize among tribes of the area, she said, speaking in Swahili. Since its founding in 1989, the diocese has grown from 6,000 members and 10 pastors to 15,000 members and 28 pastors.

Being the wife of a bishop in Tanzania means "being the mother of the bishop's family" and Mrs. Ntiruka explained that in her case that meant being mother to their three sons as well as five children of relatives. "This is quite common and we are happy to do it," she said.

She described her efforts to encourage her husband with prayer, advice, support, "as he cares for that larger spiritual family that is his diocese."

She confided one downside for her family: the bishop's work calls him out of the home so often that it means a loss of attention that sometimes "brings about a deep wound in the life of the children."

Husbands left with no clear role

Dr. Jameison, confessed to being at a loss in his first days as a cleric's spouse, before his wife became bishop. He didn't know all the do's and, especially, the don'ts, "a far longer list," he observed.

"If I'd been a woman, wife to a male vicar, there would have been a role indeed: Sunday school teacher, flower roster, welcomer, organist perhaps," he said.

When his wife became vicar of a parish in Wellington, he confided, "I ended up as a Sunday School teacher, a mower of lawns, a sidesperson (usher) and as the relief organist," typical roles for a wife, "but in my case, I felt I had the freedom to choose them. For that freedom I was very glad."

Dr. Jameison, who described his wife's diocese as geographically huge but thinly populated, said that she could know her people "very well," and that he was able to share in that privilege. He told of once visiting "the smallest of villages - a school, now closed, a community hall, a church dedicated to St. Mark."

Into that church, on the eve of St. Mark, crowded what seemed to be all the farming families from a sprawling district. "Some were Anglican, many were Presbyterian, others were from a Pentecostal church in a nearby village." Many had no affiliation. All had come to support a man and a wife, local farmers themselves, whom the bishop was to ordain local priests.

"In the whole history of the diocese there had never been a resident Anglican priest," he said. "It was a huge day for the whole community, affirming, indeed, its value. It was a huge privilege for me."

Political challenges in Pakistan

Shamim Malik, wife of the Bishop Alexander Malik of Lahore in the Church of Pakistan, regarded herself as co-worker when her husband was appointed bishop.

"In the beginning, I felt inadequate and ill-equipped . . . . Suddenly I had to perform various roles simultaneously-those of wife, mother and bishop's wife. I tried my best, and whenever I failed, I tried even harder."

The economic and political instability in Pakistan means church leaders must also act as political leaders. "The resulting work load is immeasurable-as is the toll it takes mentally, physically and emotionally."

She added that "being a bishop's wife involves being a supportive companion in the bishop's ministry. There is a saying in Urdu which, translated, says that the digit one, when doubled, becomes the digit eleven. In other words, it becomes 11 times as strong. We have learned to make our decisions together, and with the help of prayer."

Eleci Neves, wife of the Bishop Jubal Nevess of South Western Brazil, believes part of her role is to protect her husband from being "overwhelmed by the bureacracy of the church." She described herself as concerned with abandoned children, the elderly and those suffering from injustice, and said that she found ways to help him focus on social justice, Christian mission and evangelisation.

Murmurs of approval went through the audience when she declared that one of the most valuable services a spouse can offer is listening.

Sally Hastings and Roland Ashby of the Bishops' Spouses Programme Communications contributed to this story.