So the shepherds hurried off and found Mary and Joseph and the baby who was lying in a manger.

I have always found the Christmas story to be unfailingly topical. Whether one thinks of the problems facing refugees, or the homeless, or the wider issues of the search for hope and meaning, there is something in the message of Christmas that speaks to them all. Take the central story of the Nativity itself. It is the story of the beginning of a new family; a nuclear family if ever there was one; a holy family.

Families have been very much in the news in recent weeks. Over the last few days the Prince and Princess of Wales, together with the children, have been at the forefront of our prayers as we have sensed afresh some of the pain they carry.

Only a short while before their news broke we all shared too in the sudden grief of a family struck by tragedy. The death of the headmaster Philip Laurence evoked this sad letter from his 8 year old son Lucien. He wrote to Father Christmas: `I hope you won't think I am a nuisance but I have changed my mind as to what I want for Christmas. I wanted to have a telescope, but I now want to have my Daddy back, because without my Daddy to help I will not be able to see the stars anyway. I am the only boy in the family now, but I am not very big and I need my Daddy to help me stop my Mummy and sister from crying'. Very few things are more traumatic than the loss of mother or father from the family circle.

Shortly before that terrible event a very different family had been in the limelight as Rosemary West was sentenced for her part in the awful murders she and her husband had committed. It came as a horrific reminder that the strong bonds that bind families together can go terribly wrong. Instead of being places of nurture and support, families can become webs of vice, deceit, and cruelty.

But what of the Holy Family? What can we learn from its pattern of relationships and mutual support that are still of importance for today?

There were, I believe, three `R's' which were of great importance to the Holy Family and each of their insights have something important to offer as we reflect on family life in Society today. As we do so let me say that I am not wanting to exclude in any way those who are single, or who are single parents. After all, the family of Jesus includes us all.

The three `R's' are these - Reverence, Reliance, and Religion.

First, Reverence. The starting point for any Christian understanding of humanity must be that we are made in the image of God. But the birth of Christ gives that understanding greater depth. No longer is it merely the fact that we bear God's likeness - now God has taken flesh for himself. He has become human. And, as we gaze with Mary and Joseph at the baby in her arms, so we are caught up in their awe and wonder not just for that child, but for all children and for all humanity.

One of the most shocking things about my visit to Bosnia was to hear how that reverence for the humanity of others had been systematically destroyed through exclusivist nationalism. Ethnic cleansing came about as human beings were systematically deprived of all rights and traumatised through bestial treatment that is almost too shocking to report.

Likewise, as the full horror of what had happened in the Wests' home in Gloucester emerged, so it became very plain that they had consistently treated their fellow human beings as things and not as people.

That, of course, was an extreme case, but we hear echoes of it elsewhere in racist and sexist remarks, in the belittling of the mentally disabled, in the disparagement of the elderly, or those commonplace references to people as `beasts', `scum' or `monsters'.

As Christians we must challenge everything that fails to revere the image of God in others. We must also encourage everything that gives people their true worth.

And, as we are reminded today, nowhere is more important as the fertile seedbed of such reverence than the relationships between members of families. As the different generations, whether married or single, offer support to one another - as commitment and concern is given within the family circle - so families grow through mutual respect and reverence. As Jean Vanier writes, `The union of the man and woman, and the life of their children, are there for the growth of each other'.

Second, Reliance. In the Holy Family we see the example of trust and faithfulness bearing fruit in strengthening relationships. I love the story of Jesus at the age of twelve - a typical youngster you might say - testing the boundaries of his independence, as he stays on in the Temple after his parents have set out on their travels.

Rightly we focus on what it says about his relationship with God, but there is also the sub-text that reveals his own secure relationship with his human parents. He knew full well that they would not disown him or desert him and, from that position of security, he, in turn, could grow to maturity.

Such reliance and trust is vital, not just for families, but for societies as a whole. One of the saddest things I hear on my visit to Sarajevo was this comment from a leading Imam in Sarajevo. He said, `Over the last four years neighbours have lost their trust in one another and it is one of the most grievous losses of the war'.

Trust and reliance are equally important to us in our more normal environment. They must not be treated lightly. They are something to be cherished and nurtured, particularly in our family lives, for children cannot rely psychologically on the love of their parents if the latter do not make the time and effort to show it.

I remember reading this comment on life in one clergy family, written by one of the children, `We always had to knock (at the study door), and often our father did not look up from what he was doing. Sometimes he would look over his glasses to see whether it was an important person - or just us'. I am sure if you had asked that clergyman how he felt about his children he would have spoken strongly of their importance. Yet that was not what they experienced - and it comes as a salutary lesson to us all.

Such reliance and trust needs to be built up over time and through spending time with each other. One of the recent trends that social analysts have detected is the gradual increase in hours worked each week by those involved in a variety of management roles. With the threat of downsizing and redundancy hanging over many, it is easy to see why, for the sake of their families and to keep their jobs, people are working longer hours - but we should be in no doubt that there will be a price to pay in terms of relationships and family life, in time lost to their upbuilding and growth.

Reverence, Reliance and, thirdly, Religion. Christian leaders are expected to preach about religion. Perhaps we are not so good at talking about its cohesive importance to family life.

Joseph and Mary brought Jesus to pray and, later, to attend the Synagogue. Religion also provided the annual rhythms of life as festival followed festival through the year.

Their religion was not merely an expression of emotional response, or regular attendance at public worship, rather it was a matter of personal commitment. In other words it was religion at its best - for the word `religio' means `I bind myself to'. In terms of faith it means to commit oneself to walking in God's ways and to keeping his laws; to learning those habits of heart and mind that lead our children and ourselves to love God and his Church.

Having such reverence, reliance and religion at the hear of family life will transform it. It will lead us to have a huge capacity for tolerance and forgiveness. Such must have been the background to Tennyson's poem where he talks of the moment when his family was rent asunder by a quarrel:

"As thro' the land at eve we went
and pluck'd the ripen'd ears.
We fell out, my wife and I,
O we fell out I know not why,
and kiss'd again with tears
and blessings on the falling out
that all the more endears,
when we fall out with those we love,
and kiss again with tears!"

Yes, where there is love such a falling out can become a blessing. But often it is not and we are left with the ache of what might have been.

But these attributes did not make the Holy Family an introverted one. Bound closely together, they looked out to the world. No sooner had the baby been born than shepherds - some of the outcasts of society - came to share in their joy. The Holy Family, in time, became the birthplace of the family of the Church - in which all of us, young and old, are welcome and belong.

Likewise the values nourished in good families are not for hoarding in private foxholes but are there to be shared with the wider society. If we fail as a society to show all people that we care about them and that we are committed to them, we are failing to obey God's commandment to love our neighbours as ourselves.

Mary, we read, pondered the experiences of that first Christmas Day in her heart. She was amazed at the goodness of God. She and her young family advanced on their adventure of discovering the joys of reverence, reliance and religion in family life. As they did so, so they discovered more of God's love and strength. The love which is, of course, the true message of Christmas for us all.